Ah, summer: the perfect time to get…goddamn depressed that you are stuck inside, all horny and with nowhere to go. Why not live vicariously through cinema’s lovers? We rounded up the 12 sexiest movies on Netflix for you, listing them in ascending order of horniness so you can pick and choose based on how debauched you’re feeling. Happy watching!
12. The Age of Innocence
Hot people present: Michelle Pfeiffer, Daniel Day-Lewis
What is it about? Uptight Newland is engaged to sweet May—but he’s thirstin’ for her cousin, the scandalous divorcee Countess Olenska.
Horny highlights: Martin Scorsese called this movie “the most violent film I’ve made.” What’s hotter than watching people have sex? Watching people who are desperate to have sex and absolutely cannot have sex. In the age of innocence, a stolen kiss on the wrist is far, far hornier than the most graphic smashfest.
Get a li’l taste:
11. Legends of the Fall
Hot people present: Brad Pitt, Karina Lombard, Julia Ormond
What is it about? Three strapping corn-fed brothers deal with the fallout of World War One and get entangled with the same winsome Englishwoman.
Horny highlights: Brad Pitt is at the height of his mid-nineties power here, playing the wilful middle brother Tristan (yes, even his name is hot), all windswept long blond hair, bashful smiles, and thick, thick thighs guiding his steeds: Pitt’s iconic, hat-tipping entrance is an instant pantie-destroyer.
Get a li’l taste:
Read this next: How Outlander Reinvented My Sex Life
10. 40 Days and 40 Nights
Hot people present: Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossamon
What is it about? Dashing fuckboi Matt challenges himself to give up sex for Lent, which proves difficult when he meets Erica, a spirited…cyber nanny. #2002
Horny highlights: The lovers spend the night together, only touching each other with a flower. Sounds cheesy, but it’s surprisingly…<<furtive pervert eyes>>.
Get a li’l taste:
9. Crazy Stupid Love
Hot people present: Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Steve Carrell, Julianne Moore, Marisa Tomei
What is it about? A separated sadsack gets dating lessons from a dead-inside PUA—who is obscenely good-looking.
Horny highlights: Emma Stone initially rebuffs Ryan Gosling, only to change her mind when faced with the grotesque fate of being wed to Josh Groban forever. She does the patented journey-through-the-rainstorm to get to Gosling, culminating in a passionate clinch and one of cinema’s cutest hookups, complete with Dirty Dancing lift and Stone’s goggle-eyed delight at his Photoshop-level abs.
Get a li’l taste:
8. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Hot people present: Winona Ryder, Gary Oldman, Lucy Frost, Keanu Reeves, Monica Belluci
What is it about? Immortal creeper with a penchant for two-foot-tall wigs is horny for the doppelgänger of his long-dead bride, but uh-oh—she’s engaged to his hunky young lawyer!
Horny highlights: Everyone is horny in this movie. Everyone. Women have sex with fanged hairy beasts, vapour, shadows, and, most disturbingly of all, a mustachioed m’lady in a top hat and tiny granny-glasses. Dracula uses a bevvy of babes to keep poor Keanu imprisoned, and famously licks blood off a straight razor with the gusto of someone s-ing Armie Hammer’s dick.
Get a li’l taste:
Read this next: Are Hook-Ups OK Now That Covid Restrictions Are Lifting?
7. The Road to El Dorado
Hot people present: cartoon Kevin Kline, cartoon Kenneth Branagh, cartoon Rosie Perez
What is it about? Two bounders embark on a quest to find the famed mystical city of El Dorado.
Horny highlights: A large portion of this film’s rabid fandom are convinced that this film is actually about a) a chic queer couple, and/or b) a (potentially also queer) throuple. This animated feature is so randy that it spawned a Facebook group 25,000 strong entitled “The Road To El Dorado Hornyposting.”
Get a li’l taste: I mean…
6. Dirty Dancing
Hot people present: Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey
What is it about? Sheltered feminist teen Baby crushes on sentient beefsteak/dance instructor Johnny Castle during one fateful summer at a Catskills resort.
Horny highlights: SLOWDANCING TO SOLOMON BURKE’S “CRY TO ME.”
Get a li’l taste:
5. Little Children
Hot people present: Kate Winslet, Patrick Wilson
What is it about? Frumpy (ha!) mom Sarah and neighbourhood DILF Brad embark upon an illicit affair.
Horny highlights: Sarah ogling Brad’s tanned, chiseled bod at the pool, or when they finally, furiously hump on the washing machine, Brad moaning, “Does this feel bad? I feel bad.”
Get a li’l taste:
4. Magic Mike
Hot people present: Channing Motherfucking Tatum, various other torsos
What is it about? One man works toward securing a small-business loan for his burgeoning industrial furniture business.
Horny highlights: …while moonlighting as a stripper. Worth it for the approximately three minutes of sweaty, wondrous gyrating by Tatum and his merry band of glistening gigolos. Even the greased-up McConnaughey has a certain puss-tingling charm here.
Get a li’l taste:
Read this next: The Best Sex Toys to Romance Yourself with
3. Duck Butter
Hot people present: Laia Costa, Alia Shawkat
What is it about? A pair of queer gals spend 24 hours together to see if they really actually like each other.
Horny highlights: Well, they like each other enough to fuck. Like, a lot. A lot a lot. The sex in this movie is genuinely horny-inducing: it feels authentic, raw and real, complete with mutual masturbation, and tons of vigorous hand stuff. Hot. Very hot.
Get a li’l taste:
2. God’s Own Country
Hot people present: Josh O’Connor (a.k.a. Prince Charles from The Crown), gorgeous newcomer Alec Secareanu
What is it about? A closeted farmer starts to open up, thanks to a week spent lambing on the moors with a gorgeous new farmhand with the kindest eyes.
Horny highlights: That first tentative stroke of the arm. DAMN.
Get a li’l taste:
1. Below Her Mouth
Hot people present: Erika Linder, Natalie Krill
What is it about? An engaged straight fashion designer is surprised to find herself falling for a queer roofer with commitment issues.
Horny highlights: Not really a “highlight” now, is it, when 95% of the movie is hardcore lesbian pounding? The jamboree starts well before the credits are done rolling. All hail Canada—truly a nation of covert perverts—for putting something this smutty in wide release (even if the movie itself kinda sucks). Special shout-out to the hugely erotic extendo bath-faucet masturbation scene.
Get a li’l taste:
Need more recos? Try these!
She’s Gotta Have It: Horny—and extremely stylish—Brooklynite Nola Darling prioritizes pleasure and juggles three (annoyingly useless) dudes in Spike Lee’s first feature film, inspiring non-monogamous folks everywhere.
The Boss’ Daughter: The titular BD is horny for the drool-inducing factory foreman. Yum.
Newness: Pretty (boring) urbanites are quite horny and subsequently fornicate their way through half of Los Angeles and a spate of non-monogamy.
Aquarius: Fierce 60-something Latinx queen Sonia Braga (a.k.a. Samantha’s GF Maria from Sex and the City) copulates with pieces half her age and fondly reminisces about bygone bangs.
The Incredible Jessica James: 2 Dope Queens co-host Jessica Williams spars with Chris O’Dowd…and the banter is even hotter than the sex. (Although the sex is also pretty hot.)
The Beguiled: Horny gaggle competes for bedridden Colin Farrell’s d with deadly results.
Friends with Benefits: Mila Kunis is peak babe here in a rom-com about two amigos who sate their horniness with each other, no strings attached (not to be confused with the Ashton Kutcher/Natalie Portman movie No Strings Attached, which is about the exact-same thing). Even Justin Timberlake is tolerable!
Far From Heaven: Fifties housewife Julianne Moore is horny for her gardener. Her husband is horny for cock. Zoinks!
Bugsy: Warren Beatty and Annette Bening got horny for each other IRL on this movie (and are still going strong three decades later)—and it’s all on-screen, baby.
Amar: You know who’s really horny? Teens. Especially Euro teens. Like, this Spanish film opens with a casual pegging!
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